What do you want to be?

by Katie Patrick

It’s a common question we often find ourselves asking kids, especially recent high school graduates. As guests at a graduation party, we gravitate toward that youngster still wearing the cap and gown and ask, ‘So, what do you want to be when you grow up?’

Never do we hear a response predicting a life of poverty, abuse, or depression, but like in the case of Wendy, life sometimes has a way of not going as we plan.

Wendy left an abusive relationship more than a year ago, but she is really struggling to move forward, which is slightly different than moving on. The dichotomy of the two is often associated when talking about grief, which I will also weave into the story about Wendy.

Last December, Wendy made the difficult decision to leave her abusive partner and husband of more than eight years. It wasn’t easy because he was the father of her two children and supposedly the love of her life. It was a loss that she grieved. But it was for the best and she knew she had to “move on.”

Wendy found affordable housing and a good job making $18 per hour. She met with a counselor to talk about the abuse, and throughout this entire transition she had the support of our staff at Catholic Social Services of Southern Nebraska. But after nearly a year, once she had “moved on,” Wendy was still struggling to move forward. She was tired of talking about the damage the relationship had done and wanted instead to talk about her hopes and dreams for the future.

She needed someone dedicated to helping her identify her goals and reach her potential; someone who was trained to help her see her beauty within and start making small routine changes that would empower her to live her most meaningful, fulfilled, and joyful life.

Thankfully, our staff at CSS knew just who to call.

Emily Gratopp, coach, facilitator, and consultant of Gratopp Coaching and Consulting – and Cathedral of the Risen Christ parishioner – was excited when we told her about Wendy and couldn’t wait to meet her. Emily is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, a certified Wellcoaches coach and credentialed by the International Coaching Federation.

Once our staff received permission from Wendy to connect her to Emily, they set a time to meet and during that first encounter, Emily asked Wendy, “so what do you want for your future?”

Wendy is now moving forward with the grief that her marriage did not have the happy ending that she desired, alongside the knowledge and confidence that she can still dream and set new goals for herself and her children. She is being coached by Emily, someone who is not only trained to help her set and reach her goals, but someone with a charism for understanding, connecting, believing, and inspiring her to be the best version of herself.

Emily is using the gifts given to her by the Holy Spirit at Baptism to be a champion for those she coaches. She helps them realize that who they are is exactly who God created them to be.

In domestic violence situations, abusers manipulate and control women, often making them feel inferior. Emily’s approach helps identify the truth – the truth behind the gifts, talents and treasure that the woman is. She said: “Through this delicate discovery process, the woman starts to know and understand the gifts and talents she has, as well as the gift that she is to the world around her – that she is endowed with God-given dignity and beauty. This process is the foundation to conjure the beauty, strength and confidence needed to live a life free from the lies and to move forward with a new future – a future that doesn’t involve abuse – a future that she gets to dream up, work towards and make for herself and her family. This is the work of moving forward.”

Emily, Wendy, and our staff are truly grateful to each and every one of you who play a role in what we do. You see, when you make a donation to Catholic Social Services, you’re allowing us to meet women, like Wendy, exactly where they are at. “Unrestricted dollars” as we call them, give us the flexibility to create programs and collaborate with individuals like Emily in ways that best serve our clients. We are of course grateful for the restricted grants and various community projects – those have their own gifts and benefits for the community. But those unrestricted dollars go far and make a tremendous impact. Those donations empower our staff to be creative, resourceful, and intentional with getting our clients the help they need, and in some cases we still get the chance to ask our clients – clients who have been through so much and are finally ready for a reset – What do you want to be? Thank you and May God bless you!