One definition of “love” provided by Merriam-Webster is “attraction based on sexual desire,” and “lust” as “usually intense or unbridled sexual desire.”
Overlapping areas in love and lust may include: longing to be closer to each other, physical attraction, sexual desire, urge for procreation, etc.
Many point out: Lust is immoral, love is moral. In lust, the sexual desire governs, while love is godly.
Some insist that love and lust do not overlap as lust is entirely sexual attraction; while love also includes acceptance, commitment, equality, patience, trust, etc. Many regard lust as sinful and add that it blurs everything else. They describe lust simply as illicit, overmastering, overwhelming and uncontrolled sexual desire; lasciviousness, sensual appetite, strong urge for sexual gratification, etc.
Some suggest developing a proportionate combination of lust and love.
Lord Krishna tells us in the ancient Bhagavad-Gita: “There are three gates to this self-destructive hell: lust, anger, and greed. Renounce these three. Those who escape from these gates of darkness, seek what is best and attain life’s supreme goal.”
We asked our panel: Do “love” and “lust” sometimes overlap?
Trading lust for love
Bryan Smith, lead pastor, Summit Christian Church, Sparks
Job 31:11 tells us, “For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished.” Lust, the overwhelming desire for sexual satisfaction, moves beyond what God desires for sexual attraction into the realm of sin. Even Jesus tells us that looking at a woman lustfully is equal to committing adultery (Matthew 5:28).
Does all this make the Christian a prude or incredibly conservative? Not at all. When love (not lust) is foundational in the relationship, there is freedom to see and be seen, to love with your whole self and receive reciprocal love. This sacrificial love, exemplified in Christ, moves well beyond fulfilling a sexual desire and brings security, safety, satisfaction and fulfillment.
Unfortunately, our culture would rather trade the fleeting pleasure of lust rather than plumb the depths of love. The result is broken and shallow relationships that leave us more empty in the end.
Yes, sometimes
Kenneth G. Lucey, philosophy/religion professor emeritus, University of Nevada
The human emotions of love and lust are radically different in most regards. For example, this writer loves many distinct individuals to which the emotion of lust has no application. E.g., I love my son, my daughter-in-law, my granddaughter, my brother, and when they were alive, my parents. While not quite the same emotion, I also love our dog and our cat. None of these different cases of love would be considered sexual. On the other hand, lust would be considered a paradigm case of a sexual emotion. Different people can have quite different objects for their lustful desires. Usually, marriages and affairs are the main instance where lust and love coincide, although logically not every object of lust is necessarily an object of love. Sometimes the term ‘lust’ is used more loosely, such as when the miser is said to lust for more gold.
Love is heavenly; lust could be a sin
Muhammed A. Quddus, member, Northern Nevada Muslim Community
While both are psychological states of mind, they are vastly different in scope. Theoretically, there can be love without lust just as there could be lust excluding love. The love between friends or close relatives, or love for the creator is, obviously, devoid of any lust. This kind of love is based on purely emotional attachment, an interest in knowing and understanding them better, and caring for them. It transcends physicality.
While love has many different configurations based on the type of social relationship, lust embodies an attraction for the physical or some other outwardly characteristic of a person, centered on the sexual allure between individuals.
There can be instances where love could morph into lust. It may start as a first step in knowing and understanding the liking and disliking of a person’s inner qualities and then develop in due course of time into sexual attractions. They could overlap.
Lust is not Love
Daniel H. Mueggenborg, bishop, Roman Catholic Diocese of Reno
The English language can be confusing due to the many possible meanings of certain words. That is especially true with the word “Love” which can be used to describe everything from a person’s preference for food (“I love milkshakes”) to their highest relationships (“I love God and Neighbor”).
The ancient Greeks used different words to describe these various and different levels of affection. Accordingly, the Greek term “eros” referred to sexual desire whereas the Greek term “philia” referred to the love of close friends. The highest form of love was known as “agape” and referred to the unconditional love of God for human beings and human beings for God.
Love implies concern for the good of the other while Lust implies using another person for one’s own desire or pleasure. Thus, love is fundamentally other-centered whereas lust is fundamentally self-centered. As such, there is no area of overlap.
Wanting and caring are different
Matthew T. Fisher, resident priest, Reno Buddhist Center
In Buddhist sutras the word for Love is “Metta.” Metta is loving kindness” toward other beings and yourself. It is compassionate and nurturing like the love of a mother for her only child. It has no sensual component. The word for lust is “Kama.” Kama is the longing for sensual satisfaction, the unsatiated wanting afflicting American culture. When we get what we desire, kama is never satisfied; in fact, it grows. The more we have the more we want. The Buddha cautioned, “Let sensuality go. Cross over the flood of lust and reach the other shore.”
There is no overlap between these two. While it is possible to love someone you lust after, the two are distinct experiences of mind and body. It is just as possible to lust after someone we do not love. The point is this: Caring and wanting are two different things.
Lust wars against the soul
Micheal L. Peterson, northwest Nevada media specialist, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Love and lust do sometimes overlap but we can have love without lust. To lust after something is to have unbridled craving, and we are expected to keep our desires and passions within the bounds the Lord has set. Peter taught that lusts war against the soul (1 Peter 2). Paul also taught that we will be judged by our thoughts as well as our actions in explaining what Christ meant when he admonished that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:28).
How then do we keep our thoughts clean in this world? We can only entertain one thought at a time. Try not to think of a blue horse. The only way is to force other thoughts into your mind. Therefore, we should think only upon those things that invite the spirit continually and we will prevail.
The answer is fuzzy
Anthony Shafton, author and atheist thinker
Professional philosophers these days often frame their abstruse reflections in folksy language to demonstrate (to each other and general readers of their popular writings) that they aren’t academic stuffed shirts or stuffed blouses. That’s how we get serious consideration of so-called “fuzzy categories” and “fuzzy logic.”
Take baldness. How much hair must a man’s hairy head lose to be called bald? Baldness is a fuzzy category, so to speak. Same for tall/short, good/bad, etc. The boundary conditions are imprecise, subjective, situational.
That goes, too, for love and its boundary with lust. There’s sexual love without lust, and lust without love. But by the logic of love even adoring couples sometimes just get it on. That’s fuzzy. Or over time love turns to lust, or lust to love — but who can say exactly when? We’re not talking saintly love, we’re talking sexual — though lusty fuzz is not unknown to sanctity, either.
The ebb and flow of intimate relationships
Karen A. Foster, minister, Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Northern Nevada
One can certainly have either one without the other, but sometimes they do occur together, especially at beginning of a relationship. Sometimes lust wanes over time, and this gives an opportunity for love to deepen, flourish and thrive, transcending sexual attraction. There are many seasons of life, and relationships go through many seasons also. There may be times when either love or lust feels stronger, and then life happens, time goes on, and they are brought into balance, or scales tip the other way for a time. This is a natural part of the ebb and flow of intimate relationships.
While there are many variations of love and lust, as humans we are prone to labels and categorizations. Although we mostly focus on sexual desire when thinking of lust and love, these can also apply to other life experiences that are intense and consuming — an opportunity for pause and introspection.
Passionate intimacy
ElizaBeth Webb Beyer, Jewish rabbi
Orthodox Rabbi Schmuly Boteach teaches that love and lust can and should both be found within marriage. Of his 30 books, half focus on sex, including, “Kosher Sex,” “Kosher Sutra,” and “Kosher Lust.” He posits that it’s best when husbands and wives can be both lovers (lust) and best friends (love). Further, he says that the Tenth Commandment to not covet thy neighbor’s wife directly implies that one should be coveting (desiring, lusting after) thy own wife! Otherwise, it would say to not covet anyone. Coveting is about desiring — and is applauded within marriage. Total trust and commitment pave the way for the necessary eroticism that makes an intimate, electrifying and holy relationship. After all, the Song of Solomon, according to the Talmud, is the holiest book of the Torah. It’s all about the erotic desire of a man for a woman, something that is celebrated in Judaism.
Love vs. lust
Stephen R. Karcher, presiding priest, Saint Anthony Greek Orthodox Church
1 Corinthians 13 teaches us that true love is sacrificial; it is patient, kind, doesn’t envy, doesn’t boast, isn’t proud, isn’t rude, isn’t self-seeking, isn’t easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, doesn’t delight in evil, rejoices in the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. And love never fails.
In contrast, lust is an overmastering desire that is impatient, envious, demanding, uncaring, and angers easily; it needs to be appeased immediately, doesn’t care about other people’s feelings, likes to brag, rejoices only when it gets what it wants, tramples over the feelings of others, is interested only in self-pleasure, is deceptive and secretive, only protects himself/herself, never trusts what it can’t manipulate, and rejoices even in evil deeds that help it get its way.
In brief, lust is only about satisfying one’s own self and is always short term, therefore it can never overlap with love.
Of course, they overlap
Nancy Lee Cecil, Baha’i teacher
Authentic love goes beyond physical beauty and/or sexual attraction. Yet “love” and “lust” can absolutely overlap within a marriage, if one defines lust as “sexual desire.” The Baha’i Writings tell us “… if the marriage is based upon both the spirit (love?) and the body (lust?), that union is a true one; hence, it will endure. If the bond is physical (lust?), and nothing more, it is sure to be only temporary and must inexorably end in separation.”
If love and lust were not meant to co-exist in such a manner, God would surely have not made sex so pleasurable! God could have created the whole reproductive activity in an entirely different way: a secret handshake? A deliberate facial exchange? Instead, He provided us with sexual intimacy as a beautiful expression of love; a distinct blessing, but He intended it to be used only in the context of a loving relationship.
Next week’s topic: What religion can do for global systemic challenges?
Faith Forum is a weekly dialogue on religion produced by religious statesman Rajan Zed. Send questions or comments to rajanzed@gmail.com or on Twitter at @rajanzed.
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