Is there any sitcom more quotable than The Office? If you start saying one of The Office quotes, chances are someone else in the room will finish the quote with you. From coffee mugs to tee shirts, you can find classic lines from the show just about anywhere.
Here are some of our favorite quotes here at FanBolt from that unforgettable comedy.
Most Iconic Office Quotes
Some of The Office quotes are just unforgettable. These are the quotes that people who haven’t even seen the show still know by heart.
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott
- “And I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” — Pam Beesley
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott
- “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” — Dwight Schrute
- “Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me.” — Oscar Martinez
- “I say dance, they say, ‘How high?’” — Michael Scott
- “Dwight you ignorant sl*t.” — Michael Scott
- “I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman’s gotta take off his cape.” —Kevin Malone
- “Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.” — Jim Halpert
- “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” — Michael Scott
- “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?” — Pam Beesly
- “I’m fast. To give you a reference point. I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.” — Dwight Schrute
- “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.” — Pam Beesley
- “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.” — Dwight Schrute
- “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” — Michael Scott
- “Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.” — Andy Bernard
- “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott
- “If you pray hard enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.” —Angela Martin
Most Relatable The Office Quotes
When watching The Office, you inevitably say “mood” at least once per episode. Some lines are just so relatable, and here are some of the ones we feel the most.
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” — Michael Scott
- “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott
- “The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and crush it.” — Kevin Malon
- “Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.” — Michael Scott
- “I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit it in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for… that is the life.” — Stanley Hudson
- “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” — Michael Scott
- “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” — Michael Scott
- “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.” — Ryan Howard
- “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” — Michael Scott
- “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” — Michael Scott
- “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” — Kelly Kapoor
- “I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.” — Kevin Malone
- “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” — Andy Bernard
- “I mean, I’m not a slut, but who knows.” — Kelly Kapoor
- “You guys I’m, like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, ‘Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?’ And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.” — Kelly Kapoor
- “Having a baby is exhausting. Having two babies? Now that’s just mean.” —Jim Halpert
Funniest Office Quotes
Some of The Office quotes never fail to make you laugh. Here are some of the funniest Office quotes.
- “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to know that every organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn’t have two presidents; a boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?” — Oscar Martinez
- “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me… No, don’t sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I’m trying to make.” — Michael Scott
- “You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.” — Pam Beesley
- “I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.” — Kelly Kapoor
- “It is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I’d like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.” — Jim Halpert
- “I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.” — Creed Bratton
- “Yes, I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.” — Stanley Hudson
- “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” — Michael Scott
- “Last year, Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I’ve read some of it. Even for the internet, it’s… pretty shocking.” — Ryan Howard
- “I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” — Stanley Hudson
Best Office Quotes
It’s hard to pick the best The Office quotes since there are so many to choose from. Here are some of our favorites.
- “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson
- “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” — Kevin Malone
- “We have a gym at home. It’s called the bedroom.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance
- “The people here are amazing debaters. I guess you can say they are master-baters.” — Kevin Malone
- “I am Beyonce, always.” — Michael Scott
- “Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.” — Jim Halpert
- “I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They’re always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I’m constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don’t get sore too? Do you think I don’t need to know the fastest way to the hospital?” — Standley Hudson
- “Jim told me you could buy gaydar online.” — Dwight Schrute
- “I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn’t hate me.” — Pam Beesley
- “I think it’s great that the company’s making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or… and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.” — Jim Halpert
- “They say if you’re nervous around someone, picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat.” —Pam Beesley
- “I’ll be the number-two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter… that makes stairs.” —Andy Bernard
What Are Your Favorite of The Office Quotes?
It’s so difficult to narrow down the best The Office quotes to just one article. The talented writers packed every episode with amazing quips and mini monologues. Which quote from The Office is your favorite? Do you think one character has better quotes across the board? Tell us in the comments!
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